How to Talk to Older Parents About Their Care Needs

It's one of the more difficult conversations you'll have to have: how to talk to your aging parents about their changing needs. Whether you're just suggesting bringing in some help around the house or something a little more drastic, it's not uncommon for seniors to be resistant to these sorts of conversations. This is understandable, given that many older folks see home care or assisted living as surrendering their independence. 

Nonetheless, if approached with tact and kindness, these conversations can be productive. When considering how to talk to your elderly parents, here are a few guidelines to keep in mind:

• Be prepared.
  Before bringing up the subject, take some time to organize your thoughts and start exploring options. What exactly are your concerns, and what observations or examples do you have to illustrate your parent’s changing needs? What level of help does your loved one(s) need, and what types of care might fulfill those?

• Start with questions.
  In general, hard conversations tend to be more successful when you ease into them rather than starting with something confrontational. Consider broaching the topic with an open-ended question, such as one of the following:

  • Do you ever get lonely? Would you like to spend more time with other people?

  • What are your long-term plans? Have you thought about what would happen if you got sick?

  • How would you feel about having some help around the house?

• Establish yourself as an ally, not an enemy.
  Most people shut down if they feel like they're being backed into a corner or forced into doing something they don't want to. To avoid this, make sure your parent(s) understands that you love them and you're trying to make their life easier.

• Listen and empathize.
  Rather than dominating the conversation, be sure to make space to listen to your parent's concerns and ideas. Consider how frightening it might be for them to feel like they are losing their home or their autonomy. Make an effort to include them in the decision-making process, rather than telling them what to do. This might mean that you have to compromise on what you think is the best option.

• Be patient.
  You might not make any headway on your first attempt—or your second. Even if your parent is resistant to what you're suggesting, don't give up and don't lose your calm. You may have to try more than once, and that's okay.

• Don't wait too long.
  As hard as it is to talk to your parents about caregivers or assisted living now, it will be even more difficult in a crisis. By preparing ahead of time, you'll have more options and more time to make decisions than if you wait until their health or finances decline.

If you're having trouble talking to your parents or loved one about senior care options, it might be time to get help. PACE of Southwest Michigan's innovative philosophy focuses on providing care to seniors in their own homes and communities, thereby allowing them to maintain their comfort, independence, and dignity. PACE takes a holistic, all-inclusive approach to care that combines interdisciplinary healthcare, social support, spiritual care, and more. If you or someone you know is struggling to have their care needs met, check your eligibility or contact us to explore your options.